Chapter Text
The blanket of the late night sky gave a false sense of calm over the city of Los Angeles. The world outside gave off no more sound than the whistling of wind and the hum of an occasional car. But this false pretence of peace could be no further from the truth as Buck swayed slightly in the kitchen. Under the soft light from the kitchen stovetop Buck tried to calm his chaotic mind by focusing on the rhythmic chop of the knife against the board. But as the amber contents of a half-empty bottle reflected a faint glow around the room, he would learn that maybe it wasn’t the best idea.
He had tried to cook. Oh, how he tried. Something to keep his hands busy, to drown out the thoughts that had been eating away at him ever since he filed that lawsuit. A lawsuit against his team at the 118, against his family. The people who had been his everything, who had saved him time and again, were now unreachable, all because of a decision he had made. He had never intended to hurt anyone, yet he did. The 118 was his life but now… now it felt like everything was crumbling, and it was all his fault.
In his drunken haze the knife slipped, nicking his arm, and Buck cursed under his breath. He dropped the knife, watching the as blood pooled on the surface of the cut, and stumbled towards his phone. His vision was blurry, and the room swayed as he tried to think of who to call. The lawsuit meant he couldn’t talk to anyone from the 118. His family. His home. But he was alone now. He didn’t want to be alone.
With a deep breath, he struggled to stop the numbers swimming on the screen as he dialled the first number he remembered. His mind too muddled to think of the consequences that could happen or even recall who he had rung in the first place.
As he looked around the room he wondered when Bobby had turned up. But this Bobby, as Buck observed, was different. He wasn’t the Captain Buck had come to know. No, this Bobby was cold, calculating and cruel. His skin gave off a grey tint and his face was sunken in as if he were dead. And sure, some part of Buck knew that Bobby was alive and well, and that Bobby wasn’t really here, but he was lonely, drunk and he missed the man so much.
So, with words slurred and filled with pain he spilled his thoughts out to a man who would never hear them.
…
It been a quiet day at the dispatch, and while that was technically a good thing Maddie couldn’t help the dread that filled her stomach. From her place in her chair, she scanned over the monitors more so out of habit than worry. Josh had come by her station thirty minutes prior to check how she was going and offer her some coffee, the mug now sat on a coaster, lukewarm and abandoned.
The call came in suddenly, the phone ringing sharp and urgent. Maddie straightened, quickly moving her mug aside and adjusted her headset.
With her voice calm and practiced, she began, "911, what's-"
"It was never supposed to get this bad," Buck began, his voice thick with emotion and slurred from the alcohol. "I didn't mean to hurt you. He, that-that vile man, twisted my words. I just wanted my job back. No, I wanted my family back. I put in the work, Dad. I’m careful, I’m not a liability. Why won’t you let me back?"
On the other end of the line, Maddie froze, her heart skipping a beat as she processed the voice coming through the receiver. It was her brother on the line, her baby brother, who was clearly not doing well.
"Buck?" she whispered, but the words were swallowed by the torrent of emotions pouring out of her brother.
"Please, Bobby. I just wanna come home, I wanna come home, Dad. Let me come home. Why won't you let me come home? I did everything right. I put in the work, just let me come home. Please, Dad, please. I wanna come home, Dad, I wanna come home."
Maddie's breath caught in her throat, and her mind raced as she processed what Buck was saying. He was calling Bobby Dad—his plea so desperate something shattered deep within her. She should’ve known better than to just take 118’s side of things. Should’ve called to check in on Buck earlier and not waited until he fell apart completely. Her heart ached for him, and she quickly composed herself before speaking into the headset.
"Buck," she called out, her calm façade gone as her voice trembled with urgency, "Buck, it's me, Maddie."
A surprised yelp came from Buck's end, followed by a hiss of pain.
"Maddie? No, no, it can't be... She talks with them, so I can't talk with her. I’m not 'llowed, but she could talk to Chim. Get him to ask Dad why I can't come home, she could get me home. I just wanna go home."
The raw pain in his voice was almost too much to bear. Maddie struggled to maintain her composure, her mind racing as she processed the intensity of the situation.
“Buck, it’s ok. You just need to stay calm.”
A moment later she heard the sound of a tap turning on, water running before shutting off again and Maddie couldn’t help the way her breath hitched.
“Buck?”
Buck’s voice came back, strained. “sh*t, that’s gonna need stitches. Where’s the needle and thread?”
Panic surged through Maddie. The thought of her brother trying to stitch himself up in his drunken, injured state was not a good one. She wanted to get him to the hospital, but she knew he wouldn’t go without a fight.
"Buck, no! You need to go to the hospital. Let me send someone to help you."
"I can't," Buck said, his voice firm but shaky. "I can't go to the hospital. They can't know."
There was a series of random noises—something crashing, the clinking of metal, and Buck’s frustrated mutterings.
"Why not?" Maddie pressed, her mind racing to figure out what was going on. "Buck, please, tell me what's happening."
"I just...I can't ok. I can’t," Buck mumbled, the sound of drawers opening and closing coming through the line. Finally, he asked, “Hey Maddie, how do you start off the stitches you used to do for me when we were younger again? I forgot.”
Maddie’s stomach twisted as memories of patching up Buck when they were kids flooded her mind. "Buck, you can't do this yourself. Please, let me send someone. Let me help you. Buck please, you need to go to the hospital. You could be hurt badly.”
“I’m fine, it no-it’s not that bad. Please just tell me how… I gotta do it. I can’t go there. I just - I can’t. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.
Realizing she wasn’t going to change his mind, Maddie took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “Okay, Buck. I’m going to walk you through it. I just need you to listen to me. You need to clean the wound first. Do you have any antiseptic?”
There was a shuffle on the other end, and after a few moments, Buck responded, “Yeah.”
“Good. Clean it thoroughly, then get the needle and thread ready. I’ll walk you through it.”
Maddie talked him through the steps, her voice steady despite the turmoil inside. She could hear his attempts at calming himself down, the way his breath hitching occasionally with pain, the shakiness in his responses, but he followed her instructions. When he was done, there was a long pause.
“Thank you, Maddie,” Buck eventually mumbled. “But I gotta go now.”
Maddie’s heart sank.
“Buck, wait—” she called out, but the line had already gone dead.
She stared blankly at the monitor in front of her as the reality of what just happened washed over her in waves. Slowly at first but growing in time. Her brother wasn’t ok, and he hadn’t intended on letting her know. As her heart pounded in her chest, she found the silence surrounding her to be suffocating. She knew bad calls were a part of the job but… this had been something else altogether. Never had she imagined her brother being the one on the other end of the line.
Slowly with a trembling breath she stood up, feeling like the world was tilting on its axis as she almost fell over. The guilt at how she hadn’t realised sooner gnawed at her – she used to know Buck like the back of her hand, when had that changed. At some point she realised she’d been standing in middle of the common room for who knows how long when she made her way over to the tin of cocoa powder reserved for bad calls. Ones that often stuck with people long after their shift had ended. She made a cup of cocoa and even added a couple marshmallows before sitting down at the table and wrapped her hands around the mug as she focused on grounding herself.
Josh came in a few minutes later an empty coffee mug in hand when he noticed the look on Maddie’s face. He sat down in the seat opposite her as concern etched its way into his features.
“Maddie, are you ok? You look like you saw a ghost.”
Maddie took a sip of her cocoa and as comforting as the drink usually is it did little to help her now.
“I…I just got a call from Buck. Through the official channels, I don’t even think he was intending for it to be me on the other side… Something’s wrong. And I don’t know how long things have been wrong. But it’s not great and I’m not quite sure if I can help him. I don’t know if I can fix it this time. He’s not doing well Josh. He’s…he’s…” She trailed off, Josh watching her closely.
“Sometimes as much as it hurts, we can’t always be there to pull them out. Sometimes we’re not the ones who can. Sometimes we have to trust that they can pull themselves out or that the right person can be there holding the rope. You’ll work it out, Maddie. You always do.” Josh said softly, before giving her an encouraging look and giving her some space.
Maddie nodded but the weight of everything pressed down on her. She had to do something, anything. She took another sip of her cocoa, but the worry never left. Eventually, she reached for her phone and dial Bobby’s number with trembling fingers. It rung a few times, and she was preparing herself to leave a voicemail when she heard it.
“Robert Nash speaking,” and Maddie let out a relieved sigh.
When Bobby asked if anyone was there, she realised she hadn’t actually responded yet.
“Bobby I…” She paused unsure what to say next.
“Maddie? Is everything okay?” Bobby’s voice was thick with concern.
“Bobby, I need you to come to dispatch. There’s something you should hear,” Maddie eventually got out, her voice barely above a whisper.
Bobby replied without hesitation, his voice was calm and steady, as always. "I'll be there in ten minutes, Maddie."
As she waited, Maddie stared down at the cocoa in her hands, the steam curling up in delicate tendrils. She couldn't shake the feeling that something had to change, that she needed to find a way to bring Buck home. But for now, all she could do was wait and hope that Bobby would have the answers she so desperately needed.
Ten minutes had never felt so long...
